Thoughts You Have When Writing Smut

1000 Hours of Writing: 520 - 620

No matter if fanfiction or original fiction writer - we've all been in the situation when a little bit of sexy time was required. This leads to the choice of either having people hold hands for a really, really long time, fade to black or have them get it on ... explicitly.

If you pick the latter it is sooner or later going to end up in the most embarrassing and weirdest thoughts you have when writing. Thus I compiled a list of those:



"God, I've already written 3,000 words and they're not even IN each other yet!"
"How do I get them from the sofa ... to the bed?"
"Do I want this to be realistic or idealized?"
"Is there a synonym for lips?"
...
"Apparently not"
"What's the sexiest way to get lube?"
"But what IS sexy?"
"as he kissed along the ... oh, my amazon parcel is arriving. Finally!"
"Angst Smut ... you mean they fuck on a crumbling cliff?"
"Odd ... this sounded way better when I thought of it than it does now."
"I don't think that the human body can do that ..."
"ANATOMY DOESN'T WORK LIKE THIS!"
"What curses and endearments do they use?"
"But what brand of underwear would they prefer?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know what a male orgasm feels like?!"

"Would they be shaved .... I mean given the age, it would suggest that they wouldn't shave, but what if they just preferred a smoother household in their pants ..."
"Abort! ABORT!"
...
"We'll just skip the mention of pubic hair ... leave things to the imagination ..."
"Am I weird for writing this?"
 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"How does dirty talk work?"
"Do they even do it? Or are they too embarrassed by sexy talk?"
"This is very vivid ... maybe too vivid?"
"Oh god, this sounds horrible in my ears ... but the characters love it."
"Cock or dick? .... which sounds better?"

"He inserted his manhood into her womanhood ... story cancelled. Worst written sentence of all humanity found."
"THAT'S TOO MANY "HE"s!"

"I ain't going to use "his manhood" as a substitute for penis ... ever!"

"How about DNA rifle!?"

"No .... "

"ORGANIC DILDO!"

People often assume that writing smut or sex scenes is incredibly sexy, when in reality it is hardly anything but. It is awkward, a little bit weird, and frustrating. You need to pick the words carefully, while still making sure that the text has a certain appeal to the reader. In the end you're stuck wondering if the boxers are striped or not ... 

A big shout-out to all the fic writers who shared their thoughts when writing smut to help me create this post!