We've all been there when we open the google and type something in. Then in a good effort to help and save time, Google offers us the autocomplete versions. These are sentences that people have often searched for and you are most likely to search yourself.
While that is all good and well, it is also very interesting in uncovering frequently asked questions, misconceptions, and beliefs. Since this week marks Asexual Awareness Week, I decided to use Google's autocomplete to clear up, correct, and maybe confirm and expand on the most popular autocompletes when it comes to googling anything related to this sexuality.
But first, what is asexuality to begin with?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. At least 1% of people are believed to be asexual. It is often shorted as "ace."
Asexuality is not a choice
Correct! It is the same way, that you wouldn't dare to remark that any other sexual orientation is a choice. If you'd tell a gay man that this "lifestyle" is their choice, they might very much punch you in the face.
In the end, we are yet to uncover what causes sexual orientation, and who it is directed towards. We feel the way we feel, and it is not by choice.
I believe that the misconception of asexuality being a choice comes from the fact that allosexual (everyone who is not asexual) equal sexual attraction with their sex drive. Thus, you often have to explain that being horny due to hormones does not equal sexual attraction. Even if you live a celibate life you are not asexual as long as you feel sexual attraction and think "oh, I'd raw that."
In the end, like any sexual attraction, asexuality is not a choice.
Asexuality is a spectrum
Correct and incorrect.
Correct because asexuality can function as an umbrella term, and would also include things like demisexual and grey-asexual. Demisexual means being sexually attracted to someone after a strong bond is formed, and grey-asexual means rarely feeling sexual attraction and if not enough to act on it - like the name suggests it lives in a grey area.
In this case, "asexuality" functions the same way "gay" or "queer" can be used as an umbrella term for the whole LGBT community. So, yes, asexuality is a spectrum.
However, it is also incorrect when someone uses it as a describer to explain that they feel no sexual attraction at all. There is only a "nope" for them and no lean way. In this case, it is not helpful to claim that asexuality is a spectrum because it might come off as wanting to invalidate these very personal feels or trying to find a loop hole. Which is, for no better word, a bit rape-y.
Asexuality is not a sexuality
Undecided.
Even within the ace community this question is mostly unanswered. Wikipedia even states that "[Asexuality] may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof." Most asexual resources, state that it is a sexual orientation. You can argue that due to grey-ace and demi, it is a sexuality or that not having sex in itself is also a sexuality ...
When push comes to shove, I would argue that it is a sexuality. The argument that it isn't, is often used to invalidate asexuality in itself, and push us out of queer spaces or diminish any discrimination that we might suffer (e.g. corrective rape). Furthermore, when asked the same questions as a bisexual you can answer them as well. Who are you attracted to? Women and men, versus no-one, is also a valid answer.
Most of the asexual community is with me on that. At the same time, I don't speak for everyone and it is best to find the answer to this question in every individual.
Asexuality is not queer
W R O N G
Sometimes asexuals are only accepted in queer spaces if they also prove to have "another" queer identity: being bi-romantic asexual, or aro ace but trans. However, if you are aromantic, asexual, and cis, you've run out of luck. People who think this way are generally known as wankers.
Asexuality is queer because queer is an umbrella term for everything that is not heterosexual/romantic and/or cisgender. Since asexuals are not straight, no matter if aromantic, they are not straight and thus are queer. If you are aromantic and asexual, you are not heterosexual either, again, this means you are queer. What if you are hetero-romantic and asexual? Congrats! You are queer all the same.
Asexuality is queer.
Should asexuals be included at pride?
This is probably a re-branded version of the argument if bisexuals should be at pride, or if bisexuals in a hetro-passing relationship should be at pride ...
The answer is yes. Asexuality is not straight, thus it is queer, and ex aequo belongs at pride.
Asexuality is not a white thing
True. Asexuality is not related to your skin colour. Anyone can be asexual no matter of their race and origins. In fact, asexual activist Yasim Benoit is at the front of representing a positive and diverse picture for the whole asexual community.
Asexuality is not a mental illness
Hard correct.
I am glad that google suggested it with the "not" and not the other way around, as it would hark back to the days when homosexuality had been labeled as a mental illness. Don't make the same mistake.
There is nothing wrong with you because you are asexual. Especially in a society that connects sex so hard with love, and puts a lot of pressure on having it, it can often feel like there is something wrong just because you don't feel that magical It. Whatever that may be ...
However, asexuality is not a mental illness, and while there are some mental illnesses that cause a lowered sex drive, the sexual attraction is often not effected by it at all.
So yes, asexuality is not a mental illness, and you are perfectly all right the way you are.
Those are some of the most googled questions and autocompletes in regards of asexuality. Hopefully this helped to clear things up!
100% here for asexuals being queer, and "People who think this way are generally known as wankers."
ReplyDeleteThank you.
100% queer and here to fight for it!
Delete